i am finally putting things where they need to be... and it's a good feeling.... i think i might have a.d.d. which would explain my over sensetive hyper active compulsize and distant personality... but that's cool with me ... i don't mind a.d.d.... not one bit.... today i sat in a room for 8 hours and did nothing... it was boreing... but i couldn't leave... my teacher wouldn't let me... so i diagramed major and minor scales and thought of alternate chord progressions to my songs and dreamed about being able to fully understand what i was madly scribbling down... deperate to know myself in a world that doesn't allow such behavior... i'll sit and smoke my pipe and pretend to be deep in thought but only really be deep in thought about what "deep in thought" really means... what does it really mean.... and why do my bananas rippen faster when i leave them by my microwave... should i be concerned... the blues are getting to me... my soul hears them .... i want to know the root of the blues... i want to know this root that is so deep in american music it surpasses the seed... i want to be the blues... i want to be a carpenter ... er, rather a luthier... i want to practice it without restriction and complication ... but that will always be a dream better left in the corner of my eye and on the back of my tongue.... the part just before it extends into my throat.