when i see you

i hear these noises in my head....
loud...
pulsing....
pushing my heart in different directions...
throbbing....
boiling my blood....
tearing my skin...
i cry....
in pain... the pains of loss overwhelm me as the noises gather together their strength to defeat me....
rushing down my arms... cutting throught the tips of my fingers...
melting away at the lining in my veins... rushing towards my heart... towards my brain...
i cry out...
no one hears... no one hears where i've been...
i cry out to God...
at first i cry out for relief ... looking inside my self at the disfigured body .... this body that was a gift to me...
i cry out in pain to God...
I know he hears me ... but i won't admit it.... i want relief ... from myself...
i cry out in pain to my God....
but this time i cry for a time when He will show me His plan ... when He will show me my plan....
and suddenly... the pain subsides... and you walk in .... imperfect .... like me...
we hug and i notice that you fit...
my right hand on the small of your back...
my left hand resting comfortably inbetween your shoulder blades...
your embrace is tight ... but comfortable... accenting to my shape....
you look up at me... and you ask
'how was band practice'
i kiss your lips before answering
'just fine, i wrote a new song'